How to get up and ready for the day in 76 easy steps:
1. Maintain consciouness
2. reach over to nightstand table and knock everything over
3. find toothpicks
4. prop eyes open using toothpicks
5. feed baby and fall back asleep
6. wake up again to 2 year old yelling "UP" while standing next to bed.
7. Pull 2 year old into bed and try to get her to settle and not step on baby while baby finishes nursing
8. Get out of bed and change baby's diaper.
9. Convince 2 year old that it is time to get up (this requires a bribe somedays)
10. Go downstairs
11. try to get breakfast started
12. turn on kettle
13. Get distracted by 2 year old trying to turn on tv
14.. turn on tv for 2 year old
15. Get into heated debate with 2 year old over what is appropriate programming for her age group
16. Settle on PBS kids (insert whining here)
17. Go back into the kitchen
18. put oatmeal in bowl
19. serve oatmeal to 2 year old
20. tend to crying baby
21. tend to crying 2 year old who burned her mouth on hot oatmeal
22. turn on kettle again
23. Get Cheerios for 2 year old who has finished her oatmeal
24. Get milk for Cheerios
25. realise that I still hadn't made my cup of tea
26. turn kettle on for a third time
27. Get 2 year old settled with Sesame Street and Cheerios
28. Get baby settled and napping
29. Decide to take a shower
30. Get shower started
31. Go upstairs to get my towel
32. Go back downstairs to get in the shower
33. Get to bathroom and find 2 year old stripping
34. Put 2 year old's nighttime diaper in the diaper pail upstairs
35. Go back downstairs to get in shower
36. Get in shower with 2 year old
37. Get half way cleaned
38. Stop due to screaming 2 year old
39. wash soap out of 2 year old's eyes
40. Have husband bring baby into bathroom
41. have husband hand me baby in shower.
42. wash baby
43. wash 2 year old
44. get out of shower
45. wrap baby in towel
46. wrap 2 year old in towel
47. wrap self in towel
48. get baby dressed
49. get 2 year old dressed
50. get underwear and pants on.
51. nurse crying baby
52. leak milk all over clean baby
53. try to put bra and breast pads on
54. think about tea
55. put bra and shirt on
56. think about breakfast
57. look at clock and realise that it is 12:16pm
58. turn on kettle again
59. think about lunch
60. think about dinner
61. pull soup out of freezer for lunch and ham out for dinner
62. put soup in pot
63. turn on kettle again
64. put tea bag in mug
65. change baby's diaper
66. check on soup
67. turn tv off
68. nurse baby again
69. realise 2 year old has decided on Cheerios for lunch
70. clean up Cheerios spilled on carpet
71. turn on kettle for last time
72. hover over kettle until it boils
73. pour water into mug and let tea steep
74. Sit down with tea and soup to eat
75. look at clock ... ugh 2:37pm
76. want to go back to bed!
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